Takeaway: Bondage can be a passionate and enjoyable sexual adventure for many, just proceed with an open mind and a solid idea of what you hope to get from the experience.
Bondage can come with a bit of a taboo image – the uninformed may believe it’s all about humiliation, pain, coldness, and weird fetishes. For those of us in the know, we see the sexy side of BDSM and how it can actually nurture intimacy and broaden your sexual horizons. This week we’re busting the 3 most common bondage myths and hoping to inject new pleasure into your sex life.
Myth #1: You can only be submissive or dominant
There’s no doubt that some people have an inclination to one side or the other, but the sub/dom spectrum is much like sexuality – there’s a lot of grey area. While dominants do take pleasure in taking charge and holding the reins, they almost always have the fantasy of losing control and allowing someone else to call the shots. Imagine you’ve decided on dinner every night for the last month – wouldn’t you want your partner to eventually make a decision? Anyone who likes control takes pleasure in having it taken away from time to time.
The same applies to subs. After having no control, even the most submissive people will take pleasure in tying down their partners and having their way for once. Part of the excitement is in swapping the roles and knowing that each time could be something entirely new.
If you’re uncomfortable swapping roles, fake it ‘til you make it. It can be hard to get the confidence to be dominant if you’re usually submissive, but by simply acting confident and becoming familiar with your partner in this role, you’ll find the freedom to enjoy it after time.
Myth #2: You need a “weird” fetish to enjoy BDSM
Bondage isn’t about people who love leather and whips, it’s about an experience and the exchange of control.
Say in your every day life, you make decisions at work, with family, with friends - you’re always in charge. Those who are control of their daily life frequently like to relinquish that control in a sexual situation. Tying down isn’t about a fetish, it’s about being forced to let go of the control you’re accustomed to and to relax. A whip isn’t some weird erotic toy, it’s what’s used to remind the sub that they don’t hold the reigns, further arousing them.
And even if you do have a “weird” fetish – all the better! You can incorporate all kinds of fun into bondage – toys, teasing anal play, restraints, and anything your imagination can come up with. Own your “weird”.
Myth #3: Bondage is about being cruel and humiliating to your partner
Never!
The majority of BDSM is a safe activity that is frequently planned out beforehand. The partners may be familiar with each other’s likes and dislikes already, but a respectful partner will always ask beforehand if something is okay and will ease in gradually.
If you’re more into the humiliation side of it, these sessions are planned out meticulously as they will typically be less sexual and focus more on the cruelty aspect. Even then, there is never anything without consent, and there should always been a traffic light system in play – green for go, amber for ease up, red for stop. Consent is key in any sexual scenario, bondage is just one example of that!
Browse our wide selection of bondage & fetish gear and bust open all those nasty pre-conceptions.
Article by Charlotte at JOUJOU
I enjoy being submissive to women. Tough to explain why so I say it is like explaining why I like a particular flavour of ice cream. Also enjoy women having their way. It is all about women becoming more confident and comfortable with the power they possess.
Alright, I do have a question. Is it appropriate, and if so, how can I let women I meet (cashiers, servers at a restaurant, etc…) know I am submissive and know my place…. essentially letting them be able to do with that tidbit what they wish. Does that make sense?
However, I do not wish to be inappropriate or make them feel anything but empowered by expressing this to them.
Thanks for any thoughts and suggestions.
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