On the fence about BDSM and intrigued to experience it with your partner? 

Well, whether you’ve tried it or not, we’re dedicating this article to all of those who would like to know how to get their partner into BDSM or perhaps how to explore BDSM with them. 

Indeed, trying out new things in the bedroom can ramp up a sex life but it can also be great for a relationship. 

So we say, if it’s safe, sane, and consensual, it’s always worth a conversation at least, don’t you agree?

How to Bring Up BDSM with Your Partner if You Feel It's for You

Without anyone getting lost or feeling behind, let’s start with the basics of BDSM, shall we?

What does BDSM stand for? BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission. And to look closer into these four areas would be to answer the question: what is BDSM?

• Bondage involves limiting a partner’s freedom of movement with some kind of restraint. For example, it could be with the use of handcuffs, rope, or someone’s arms.
• Discipline is when a dominant partner exercises control over their partner (after having discussed rules beforehand).
• Dominance is when one partner has authority over their partner. Often their partner is called a “submissive”
• Submission is when one partner is more submissive to their partner. Often their partner is called a “dominant”

But to explore BDSM goes far beyond the practices mentioned above. There are so many different ways to play, sex toys and gear to use, and various roles to take on in order to enjoy light or more intense BDSM.

With that quick BDSM cheat sheet, let’s move on to possibly experiencing some of these practices with your partner.

Deciding if BDSM Is for You and Your Partner

The thing about practising BDSM is that it is a very intimate practice. So if you explore BDSM with your partner, it doesn’t always matter whether you’ve tried it or had lots of practice before, what really matters is if you and your current partner are ready to get that intimate. 

What also matters is if your partner is ready to engage in some of the things that you’d like to engage in (and vice versa). 

To explore BDSM in a magical way, two individuals would really need to trust and respect one another. After all, the practice itself is based on mutual consent, clear communication, and respect for boundaries.

It’s also deeply physical, psychological, and sexual, and involves a strong power exchange. 

Are you and your partner ready to discuss this and ready to practice it?

Bringing up the Topic With Empathy

Once you’ve had some time to think about whether your partner may be intrigued or open to the idea of BDSM, and whether you believe you two would be great in the practice of BDSM, it’s time to have a conversation with empathy. 

In other words, it’s absolutely crucial to have a level-headed, calm, rational, and open-minded conversation about this kind of play with your partner before anything else. 

If one partner shows signs of close-mindedness or perhaps they’re not in a great mood then it may not be the right time to really have a proper chat with them. 

The key is finding a trusting and warm space to allow for a judgment-free conversation to take place. 

Of course, some people are more sensitive or shy than others. If this is the case with your partner, you could start slowly when you bring up the topic. 

For example, you could simply bring up the idea of trying something different in the bedroom (not BDSM related, but something new) and gauge their reaction. 

Alternatively, if you or they are too embarrassed to chat about your sexual preferences, you could always play a “game” that includes each of you writing down your sexual fantasies and then picking them out of a hat and only discussing the ones that intrigue you.

These are merely suggestions as to how to approach the topic. You, of course, know your partner better so what might work for one may not work for another. 

Empathy however is the key word here.

Decide on Boundaries & Discuss Desires

If you’ve had a successful conversation with your partner and you’ve piqued their interest, even in the slightest, to move forward, then it’s time to discuss boundaries and desires. 

This can be a lot of fun as you can really get into the things that both of you would like to try and possibly fantasise over what may happen. The thrill of talking about it is erotic on its own.

When it comes to boundaries, you both should give each other space to talk about your soft and hard limits. Your soft limits are things that you aren’t really interested in doing and your hard limits are things that you absolutely do not or will not do. 

Then, when talking about your desires, you can discuss what you really want to do. During this portion of your conversation, you could also bring up the sex toys or gear that you’d like to try or incorporate. 

Perhaps using candle wax, a dildo, a blindfold, a ball gag, or something else? Maybe you’d like to bring in something you two already like to do together in the bedroom, like watching porn? 

Whether it’s kinky sex or more mainstream, it does not matter… it is all about you two.

When each partner has an opportunity to express their limits and their desire, both can agree upon what will and what won’t happen during playtime. This is essential. 

It’s also important that you both come up with a safe word which will bring all playtime to a halt. 

For example, you may want to say the word ‘orange’ when things become too overwhelming, in which case all stimulation and play should stop immediately.

Start Slow, Get Feedback

And finally, you and your partner have had a meaningful, open and honest conversation, you’ve discussed your limits, boundaries, and desires…it’s time to enjoy a new part of your sex life. A more kinky sex life!

While you and your partner may be exceedingly excited to get going, please do remember to take things slow. 

Aiming high, such as trying to perfect a shibari rope bondage on your partner on your first merry-go-round, is simply absurd. 

Instead, we suggest incorporating a lot of your usual routine into this adventure. Including a lot of foreplay will help both of you to relax, and when you feel ready, you can begin to slowly introduce some BDSM into your tryst. 

As you do, remember to check in with each other to make sure you’re both comfortable. You may believe that this will ruin the mood, but really it is all about being comfortable. This will prove invaluable as you begin experimenting more and more.

At the same time, the focus should be on you and your partner. As long as both of you are happy and are feeling relaxed and comfortable, then you can consider it a wonderful experience. 

What’s equally as important is to check in with your partner at the end of your lustful adventure. Additionally, engaging in something called “aftercare” is important. 

This is when (usually) the more dominant partner will “take care” of their submissive by either bringing them some water, cuddling with them, perhaps taking a shower with them, or doing any other act or gesture that shows that they care for their partner. 

Some BDSM scenes can be quite intense, especially for submissives, that is why heavy importance is placed on aftercare in the BDSM community.

Plan Your Next Adventure

After playtime, it’s a great idea to have another conversation with your partner about the experience. Whether it is during aftercare or even a few days later. 

During this time, you can discuss how the experience was for both of you and perhaps talk about changing some boundaries or desires. 

As you engage more, you may find that you like different things, and that’s the beauty of spicing up your sex life… learning! 

And what’s even sexier is that you can already start planning your next adventure. Get your blood flowing with new ideas, new toys, and possibly even reminiscing of your first time in the realm of BDSM!

Need a bit of inspiration?

BDSM Products to Help You Get Started

	Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition Wraparound Mattress Restraint Kit Using this wraparound mattress restraint kit is the perfect way to slowly introduce BDSM to your partner. It’s so easy to use, simply tuck its straps beneath your mattress and turn the space where you lay your head into a passion playground. It allows for multiple restraint positions and comes with 4 adjustable tethers, 2 velvet handcuffs, 2 velvet leg cuffs, adjustable bed straps, and a love mask. Plus, there are no headboards or bed posts required for use.
	Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition Cumfy Cuffs Dip your toe into bondage in a light and non-intimidating way with a pair of handcuffs that are actually quite sexy. The Fetish Fantasy Limited Edition Cumfy Cuffs are lined with velvety-soft faux fur, making them appear innocent, but they’re anything but. In fact, they’re quite heavy duty, made with super sturdy metal hardware and buckle closures to ensure your lover doesn’t get away anytime soon.
	Scandal Bed Restraint If you or your partner want to give yourself entirely to the world of bondage, the Scandal Bed Restraint Kit is a kinky box with a few surprises to play with. It contains a cross-style bed restraint that is adjustable to fit your mattress and fully customised for a range of motion, gorgeous wrist and ankle cuffs, a beautiful blindfold, and a ball gag that’s fully adjustable to fit your face snuggly. Try one or try them all!
	Scandal Flogger An erotic looking flogger that features a sturdy, designer fabric handle fit for the most daring dominant. Use the tassels to tease your submissive as you make your way down their body, leaving them shivering with anticipation. And then, for beginners: deliver a gentle slapping, and for more experienced players: a more firm, radiating and long-lasting burn. An impact play toy for all BDSM enthusiasts and those merely intrigued.
	Bijoux Indiscrets Silky Sensual Handcuffs Two soft ribbons that have a secret…if you loop the end of the ribbon through the hole, you’ll end up with strong handcuffs that feel silky soft on the wrists, bound to your lover. Or, you can use each one to tie your partner to your bed frame. The choice is yours. These two silky ribbons are made of satin and velvet and are perfect for beginners and sensual lovers.

We hope that this guide on how to get your partner into BDSM has been helpful. 

At the end of the day however, it should be a decision made together and no one should ever feel forced to try anything that they’re not comfortable with. 

With trust, communication, consent, and lust, we’re sure you’ll both have a super fun time together!